The Price of Love
by Nittles
Summary: "It was love versus life out there Ruth." He smiled sadly, willing himself not to cave in to the urge to cry with her. "Love won, but to what cost?"


**One-shot inspired by 'Grenade' by Bruno Mars. It sort of picks up where 9.8 left off. Just a quick fix while I try and get my affairs in order.  
It is a very simple piece, but sometimes Harry and Ruth's relationship is a lot more simple than what meets the eye.**

"You know I'd do anything for you Ruth." He spoke softly, careful not to be pierce the peace and calmed silence that had enveloped his office.

She snorted slightly and continued to stare at her fidgeting hands.

"Then you're a fool."

Harry titled his head and a loop sided smile came to his lips.

"You know I would have taken that bullet to the brain for you Ruth." He pushed a little harder this time, trying to see if he could slowly break down her defences.

"It was a stupid thing to do Harry, you should never have handed over the file."

_True_, he thought curtly. _But she's still not looking at me._

"I would have died for you Ruth." It came out in nothing more than a whisper.

"You should have been prepared to die for your country, Harry, not me."

_True again. A direct approach might do the trick._

"Why won't you look at me?" He asked softly, daring himself to take a leap of faith and join her on his sofa. Instead, he stayed rooted to his desk chair, keeping the distance intact, and the boss/employee relationship in place. He'd lower his defences when she lowered hers.

"Because I know what you're trying to do."

_She's a smart woman._

Harry gave up the pretence and rose from his chair quickly and quietly, closing the distance between them rapidly before slumping himself down beside her.

"It was your turn years ago Ruth, you paid the price." A pause. "This time, it was my turn. To repay the debt."

Ruth took a deep breath and counted to ten in her head. Harry was a difficult man.

"You were reckless Harry, if I'd have known what you were up to I, well I, I don't know."

He watched her struggle with her words. The old Ruth had never really left, just been covered by a brief lifetime of deaths and heartache.

"I thought it was you that had died," she eventually whispered. "When... When it happened, they told us that our boss had fallen from the roof."

He raised his eyebrows and watched in mild amusement as she was still trying not to meet his eye.

"I thought it was you, Harry. I thought it was you they were referring to."

This time she did meet his gaze. He could see her eyes swimming with unshed tears. Hastily, he cleared his throat.

"Tariq told me, about what happened after you found out about Lucas," Harry murmured softly. "I don't think that trying to blow yourself up with a grenade was the smartest thing you've tried to do, especially when you knew full well it was a dud."

Ruth chortled slightly before wiping her eyes.

"Bastard."

Harry laughed softly before leaning into her side.

"If it's any consolation, I would have caught that grenade for you, whether it was a dud or not."

She didn't need to look into his eyes to know that he meant every word.

"D'you know," Ruth started slowly, carefully articulating her words. "Lucas told me I was exactly like him."

Harry coughed slightly and edged slightly nearer to Ruth.

"You are nothing like Lucas, Ruth," he growled quietly. "You know that."

"No, no it's not that," Ruth hurried on. "It's what he said, when I told him about you."

"Hm?" Interest had been perked.

"He told me that we were the same," she whispered. "Always helping people and never doing what we want to do." She took a deep breath. "Lucas told me to stop being selfish and say yes, Harry."

Harry's face didn't change, but there was a definite sparkle as he conjured up a brief plan on how to extract her feelings out of her and into the open.

"You know you don't have to tell me thi..."

"... No, I do." Ruth spoke quickly over him, lifting her hand slightly for extra effect. It worked. "Because I realised something, in all of the commotion."

He watched her carefully, desperately wanting her to continue.

"Lucas sacrificed his life for Maya." She paused, willing him to understand. "You sacrificed the safety of the UK for me."

"Ruth, I..."

"Thank you," she half sobbed, searching out for his hand with her own. "But I still think it was a stupid thing to do."

Harry laughed and squeezed her hand.

"I'd have been surprised if you hadn't been angry at me Ruth, I think it's a norm after every operation we do together."

Ruth smiled sadly.

"It could be the last," she muttered.

"Yes, it could," Harry sighed, turning his face so his nose was touching her ear. "But I couldn't think of a better way to end this Ruth."

He leant away from her enough so that she could turn to face him. Fresh tears were glistening in her eyes, and he felt a sudden pang of guilt for always put her through these things.

"It was love versus life out there Ruth," he smiled sadly, willing himself not to cave in to the urge to cry with her. "Love won, but to what cost?"

He let go of her hand and made his way to the alcohol cabinet.

"You don't mean that, Harry." Ruth chocked slightly on her tears.

"I'm about to lose everything I ever lived for, Ruth." His voice cracked slightly as he turned to face her. "And do you know what the worst thing is?"

She shook her head slightly.

"I'd do it all over again."


End file.
